Toxic Relationships
Ok, so I’m going to be honest. I hate the word toxic. It’s overused and has officially lost its meaning. That said, there are definitely dynamics and relationships that are destructive as fuck and have earned the word toxic as valid. As a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, I want to take a moment to share my thoughts on what makes a relationship dynamic destructive (or toxic) and what to do about it.
Relationships are complex, nuanced, and sometimes hard to navigate. That doesn’t necessarily make them destructive. It’s such a societal myth that “healthy” relationships should be easy. Two or more distinct human beings coming together to form an attachment bond (whether that’s friendship, romantic, communal, or familial) is inherently going to be challenging at times.
The best way to know whether a relationship is simply challenging or destructive is to be real with yourself.
How does being around this person(or these people) make you feel about yourself?
Are you a better or worse version of yourself when you’re around them or interacting with them?
Can you be your authentic self around them without fear of harsh judgment or criticism?
How does your nervous system feel when you’re about to call, text, or see them?
Is this person/persons emotionally safe for you?
Are they a reprieve from the harshness of the world, or do they add to your stress, distress, sadness, overwhelm, or anxiety?
If you take the time to consider these questions and maybe even journal about them (disclaimer: I don’t journal, lol - but the research says that it helps with processing!), you may find that you intrinsically know more than you realize. At your core, in your deepest sense of Knowing, you already know if this relationship(s) is destructive to you. If you find that it is indeed destructive, it may be worth assessing your values.
Do you value having this person in your life enough that it is worth the stress, distress, sadness, overwhelm, or anxiety? If the answer is no, it may be worth considering distancing yourself or removing them from your life altogether. If the answer is yes, I recommend taking the initiative to take a step towards repair. Tell the person(s) how you’ve been feeling in the relationship. Take the risk of being honest and emotionally vulnerable, not combative. See if they’re willing to work with you to make changes to the relational dynamic so that the relationship serves both of you better. Counseling can help. I promise it’s worth it.
Protect your peace. Protect your mental health.
If you would like to process this further, or assess the destructive or toxic relationship(s) in your own life with me, feel free to schedule an appointment today. I’d love the opportunity to walk alongside you as we navigate the value of the relationship(s) in your life.
