How To Process Emotions: How To Feel Your Feelings.
Embracing the Waves of Our Emotions
Hello, beautiful souls! Today, let's dive into the ocean of our emotions, exploring the waves of feelings that color our world. It's so important to acknowledge and process these emotions, yet many of us find ourselves struggling to truly experience them. Why? Because sometimes, feeling our feelings can be daunting, overwhelming, and even a little scary.
Understanding Emotions: The Colors of Our Inner World
Emotions are the language of our inner selves. They're here to tell us about our experiences, needs, and desires. From the joy that bubbles up during a moment of connection to the sadness that washes over us in times of loss, emotions paint our world with a spectrum of colors. Understanding this range—from joy to sadness, anger to love—is the first step in embracing our emotional selves.
Why We Avoid Our Feelings
So, why do we often find ourselves turning away from our feelings? For many, the fear of being overwhelmed looms large. Society, too, has its own expectations, urging us to keep a stiff upper lip. And then, there's past trauma, which can make the prospect of diving deep into our emotions seem too dangerous. But here's the thing: ignoring or suppressing our emotions doesn't make them disappear; it only delays the inevitable need to face them. When it comes to feelings and emotions, the only way out is through.
Emotions vs. Feelings
As we navigate the waters of our inner worlds, let's pause for a moment and ask: What is the difference between a feeling and an emotion? Yes, they're often used interchangeably, but they actually are different and dance to their own tunes in the symphony of our psyche. Understanding this distinction can be a game-changer in how we connect with ourselves and others.
Emotions: The Universal Language of Our Bodies
Emotions are, first and foremost, a physiological experience in the body. Emotions are a physical response to something in our environment, and our brains release chemicals that move through our bodies in response to the environmental trigger. Emotions, since they are a bodily chemical response, actually only last approximately 90 seconds. Really! That’s how long our bodies transmit the emotional chemicals. Anything you experience after that is actually a feeling, which we will discuss in the next section.
Imagine emotions as the raw, unedited soundtrack of our lives. They're instinctual, powerful responses that bubble up from our subconscious, triggered by our interactions with the world around us. Emotions are universal; they transcend language and culture. Whether it's the surge of joy at a friend's laughter or the tidal wave of grief in loss, emotions are our body's way of communicating with us and responding to life's moments, painting our experiences with broad strokes of feeling.
Feelings: The Personal Touch
Now, enter feelings, the nuanced shades that color our emotional landscapes. Feelings are the result of emotions that have been personalized and processed through the unique filter of our perceptions, beliefs, and experiences. They're the intimate stories we tell ourselves about what the chemical emotions in our bodies mean. While emotions are shared across humanity and only last 90 seconds, feelings are deeply personal, the intimate dialogue between our hearts and minds. Basically, after the emotion has passed, our thoughts about that emotion become what we feel. That’s why it sometimes seems like feelings last so long, even though the research has shown that an emotional response lasts only 90 seconds.
Our thoughts have power. When we experience an emotion, we can choose whether we attend to distress-maintaining thoughts that may make the feeling experience last longer, or we can choose to respond differently to the emotion, reframe it, and choose thoughts that minimize the distress so that we do not experience the feeling for longer than we need to.
The Dance Between Them
So, how do emotions and feelings interact? Think of emotions as the raw material, the initial, instinctive response to the world. Feelings are what happens when our brain gets involved, weaving these responses into the narrative of our lives. This dance between emotion and feeling is what allows us to make sense of our experiences, guiding our reactions, decisions, and connections with others.
Understanding this dance can empower us to navigate our emotional worlds with greater awareness and compassion. It helps us recognize that while our emotions are a universal song, our feelings are the personal lyrics we write - a testament to our unique journey through life. Our thoughts contribute to the stories we tell ourselves about our situation or environment, so we have more control over our feelings than many of us realize. Emotions are more physiological and automatic, but we do have more control over our thoughts and, therefore, the duration of our feelings.
So, next time you feel a storm of emotion rising within, remember the distinction. Allow yourself to experience the raw emotion, then gently explore the feelings that emerge, knowing that this beautiful, complex interplay is what makes us wonderfully human.
The First Steps to Feeling Your Feelings
The journey to feeling your feelings begins with acknowledgment. Naming what you feel is a powerful act of self-recognition. Creating a safe space for your emotions is also crucial. This might mean setting aside quiet time to reflect, journal, talk to a supportive and safe person, or make your living space a comforting sanctuary where you can freely explore your emotions.
Techniques to Process Emotions
There are many paths to processing emotions. Mindfulness and meditation can help you stay present with your feelings, observing them without judgment. Journaling offers a way to explore and express what's going on inside, while art and creative expression allow you to translate emotions into something tangible. Physical movement, too, can be a powerful outlet for emotional energy.
As a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, I have a checklist technique that I’ve developed to help my clients learn to process their emotions and feel their feelings more effectively. The process is fairly simple and requires asking yourself the following four questions:
How Was My Day?
When asking ourselves this question, we want to make sure we are honest and realistic with ourselves. We do not want to minimize any aspects of our day that were hard or challenging. We also want to acknowledge and be grateful for any moments of contentment, peace, or ease in our day. This is basically just an opportunity to take a moment to really reflect on how we are doing overall after the day we have had.
What am I Feeling?
This question is crucial. Drawing our attention to what we are feeling in the present moment, or what stories we are telling ourselves in our thoughts, is an amazing way to begin even knowing what our feeling is so that we can begin to process it. So many of us can move through days or weeks without ever checking in with ourselves on how we are really doing and what we are feeling. Naming the feeling in the moment is an opportunity to acknowledge it and allow yourself to feel it fully without judgment.
How am I Feeling in my Body?
This question is so important because, as I said earlier, our emotions originate in our bodies and can get stored there if we don’t acknowledge and process them. Doing a quick body scan, head to toe, is a great way to assess how you’re doing in the moment. Are you carrying stress in your shoulders or neck? Is there a heaviness in your heart center? Are there butterflies in your stomach? Jitteriness in your arms or legs? All of this is valuable information about how you’re really doing.
What Do I Need?
This question is a beautiful opportunity to nurture yourself and practice strategic self-care. You will want to consider all of the questions of this check-in before figuring out what you need. Based on how your day was, what you’re feeling, and what you’re experiencing in your body, you can more easily figure out what you need to do in that moment, or that evening after work, to take care of yourself. What you need may be basic: to eat something, drink some water, take a nap, take a walk, or go to bed a little earlier that night. What you need can also be more complex. Sometimes, if we’ve had a long day, we may need to cuddle up on the couch with a blanket, light a candle, journal, call a friend, talk to a partner, stretch, read a book, take a hot shower, make some hot herbal tea, or watch a funny or nostalgic show. What we need to care for ourselves based on the context of our day is so subjective and personal. The most important thing is that you’re checking in with yourself to see what form of nurturance or soothing you need in order to optimize your mental health and well-being that day or night.
Navigating Difficult Emotions
Dealing with intense or challenging emotions requires patience and self-compassion. Remember, it's okay to feel what you're feeling. Strategies like breathing exercises, talking to a trusted friend, or even allowing yourself a good cry can be incredibly healing. Remember, the physiological emotion is a bodily chemical response lasting 90 seconds. Give yourself permission to fully feel that emotion in your body, even if it’s difficult or painful, and it’s more likely to pass. The only way out is through. Only when we start telling ourselves stories about our difficult emotions through our thoughts will the distress persist for longer. When navigating difficult emotions, it is so important to accurately name the emotion, give yourself permission to fully feel it without judgment, and allow it to move through you. Processing the difficult emotion through talking, writing, art, physical activity, or yoga can also help metabolize the difficult emotion so that it does not turn into a prolonged feeling experience lingering in our thoughts and minds.
When to Seek Help: The Role of Therapy in Emotional Processing
Sometimes, the best support in navigating our emotional world comes from therapy. A therapist can offer a supportive space to explore and understand your emotions, providing guidance on how to process them healthily. Therapy is a partnership that empowers you to activate your natural healing processes.
Practical Tips for Everyday Emotional Wellness
Incorporating daily habits that foster emotional awareness can make a big difference. This might include setting aside time for reflection, doing the check-in questions I listed, practicing gratitude, or engaging in activities that bring you joy. The support of community and meaningful relationships also plays a vital role in our emotional health.
The Path to Emotional Freedom
Embracing the journey of feeling and processing our emotions is a powerful step toward freedom. It's about discovering strength in vulnerability and growth in every experience. Facing our inner world with courage and compassion opens the door to a more connected and fulfilling life.
Seeking Support on Your Journey
If the journey through your emotions feels overwhelming, know you don't have to walk alone. I'm here to support you, listen, and guide you toward healing and understanding. If you’re interested in working with me and learning to feel your feelings more deeply, feel free to click the button below to schedule an appointment. Let's take that first step together toward emotional healing and understanding.
A Personal Note
From my heart to yours, I believe in the transformative power of embracing our emotions. I've walked this journey myself, and it's led me to a life richer and more connected than I ever imagined. I invite you to join me in exploring the beautiful landscape of our emotions. Let's find the path to your most vibrant, authentic self together.
With love and light,
Liz 🌟
