Romanticize Your Life - A Therapist’s Story.
We all have days when we feel “off” or “blah.” We notice it more because it’s such a contrast to the days that we feel super “on” or really motivated. On off days, even aspects of our everyday lives and routines can feel like an uphill slog. I get it. I love my life and my work, but even as a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, there are some mornings that I truly don’t feel like opening my laptop, and the thought of checking my email brings on a slight feeling of anxiety. We are all only human, and we all have days or moments like this. So what can we do about it? How do we find the inner strength to persevere and get everyday, mundane things done when we really don’t feel like it? Keep reading for a little tip on how to do just that.
Romanticize Your Life
Romanticizing your life is a concept that some are familiar with, as the concept became popular around the time of the pandemic when people were locked down and desperate for new ways to cope with being cooped up. I never read any articles or saw any social media about romanticizing your life, but I heard the term somewhere and realized that that was something I already tried to do! I’ll explain what the concept means to me and provide some examples of how I added a little romance to everyday life.
How Did I Begin to Romanticize My Daily Life?
It’s so easy to go through the motions in life. Many of us wake up to our alarm and start the morning scramble. We make it through the workday, then attend to evening tasks like making dinner, going to bed, and doing it all over again the next day.
But what would it be like to slow it all down a little bit? Rather than going through the motions, what if we were to infuse a normal day with more intentionality? For me, romanticizing my life means being more present and mindful in an average moment.
It began when I found myself disliking, even resisting, the first twenty minutes after waking up. I heard the alarm, felt groggy, dragged myself out of bed, downed coffee as soon as possible, and waited for the “alert” feeling to finally come.
One day, I was sitting in that early morning fog, about to take my first sip of coffee, and I had a new thought: “I love coffee. What would it be like if I actually noticed and enjoyed this first sip?”. Basically, I tried my best to practice intentionality and mindfulness, and I took that first sip of coffee and truly allowed myself to enjoy it. That spiraled into another new thought: “What if this morning's groggyness didn’t have to be a bad thing?”. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that the early morning haze was one of the few times of the day when I truly didn’t have to think or do or work. In that brain haze, I had the opportunity to sit, exist, and Be.
It may seem overly simple, but by not resisting the groggy feeling but rather embracing it, I found myself so much more content in that moment. I was even grateful for that early morning moment of stillness, slowly and intentionally sipping my coffee and appreciating the moments before the workday began.
This began my understanding of what it meant to romanticize your life. For me, it meant slowing down, being grateful for what the present moment had to offer me, and taking the time to truly sip and enjoy the coffee that I had previously guzzled down and taken for granted.
How I Applied Romanticizing Your Life in Everyday Situations
Since that realization, I have found other ways to romanticize my life that make everyday, mundane moments more special. After giving myself 30 minutes to an hour to wake up with my coffee, I spend about two hours every morning on my laptop in my living room doing administrative tasks for my therapy business. Rather than go through the motions of these daily tasks, I considered how I could add more intentionality and mindfulness to them, as I did with my early morning coffee.
I started with my environment. I created a ritual where I would turn on my favorite lamps in the living room, light a candle, tidy up any clutter, refresh my coffee and water bottle, and set my favorite cozy, furry blanket across my lap. Only then would I open up my laptop and begin my work. By curating a space that felt warm and cozy, I consciously made an effort to make my morning administrative work more special and less mundane. It really helped! I felt more at peace and at ease, and it made checking my email feel more like I was the main character in a movie doing a task rather than a robot going through the motions of a mundane activity.
Since it worked so well with my morning administrative work, I decided to take it a step further. After about two hours of administrative work, I typically do a movement practice of stretching and walking for about two hours. I tried to implement the romance into it by being more mindful of my body and how it felt to stretch my muscles and release any built-up tension from the past and any anticipation of the coming work day. That included focusing on my breath just as much as my muscle release. Then, on my walks, I tried to be intentional about enjoying upbeat music and took the time to notice the beauty of the natural world in my neighborhood as I repeatedly circled the block. Rather than focusing on it being too hot, too cold, or too windy, I focused on how the weather season was unfolding - the colored leaves on the trees, the beauty of the curated flowers and plants in my neighbors’ laws, and the majesty of the neighborhood cats, animals, and other little creatures. I tried to clear my mind of all the mental clutter and enjoy the healing power of nature all around me.
The next step in my day is getting ready. After my movement practice, I take a shower and get dressed. Anyone who knows me well knows that how I dress and present myself is one of my favorite forms of creativity. Instead of thinking of the daily shower as just another task, I made it a mindfulness activity. I attended to all of my senses - the heat of the water in the shower, the scent of my body wash, the feeling of the loufa moving across my body, and the pleasant feeling of massaging my scalp as I washed my hair. I came to actually look forward to taking showers.
Next was getting ready. I made that a ritualistic experience as well! Everything from brushing my teeth to doing skincare, applying lotion, and doing my makeup and hair all became a comprehensive part of my ritual, and I tried to be intentional and mindful through every aspect of it. It became incredibly joyful in a way that I had never realized or acknowledged before.
Then I needed to get dressed. How I dress is an expression of my authenticity and creativity, so I tried to have fun and create a ritual of dressing in a manner that reflected my mood that day. I rarely, if ever, purchase new clothes, so it is truly a creative act to work with the (extensive) wardrobe that I’ve acquired over the last twelve years and build outfits that reflect how I’m feeling that day. If it’s been a long week, maybe I’ll wear leggings and an oversized T-shirt and decorate it with jewelry. If I have an abundance of energy and creativity, I’ll take more time and curate a fun outfit or new combination of clothing that I have never worn before. Always, for me, jewelry is involved. Getting dressed has become my favorite creative, stress-relieving activity!
Now it’s time to go to work. I try to add romance to the commute to work by making sure I have enough time not to rush. When I get in the car, I pick a music playlist that reflects the mood and atmosphere of my day that day. Sometimes, it’s fun pop, rap, or hip-hop. Other times, I feel more chill, and I’ll choose low-fi or nostalgic music. Either way, I’ll blast it on the way to work and try to get out of my head and into the music. It’s like a daily concert that I’ve curated for myself.
Once I get to work, I try to make a ritual of preparing myself and my office for my clients that day. I try to be intentional about setting up my office the same way each day. I turn on the lamps, remove my shoes, put on my office slippers, and light a candle. Once I became more intentional about romanticizing my life, I started reading an inspiring book about ten to fifteen minutes before my first client arrived to get me into an inspired headspace. This is now a ritual I adore.
After doing all of these ritualistic and romanticizing things all day, I am usually in a great headspace to have amazing client sessions. I do work I’m proud of and value the relationships I’ve built with my incredible clients.
After work, I give myself moments of silence and stillness to reflect upon my day on my commute home. No music, no phone calls - just time to reflect so that I’m not carrying the energy from the office back into my home. Once I get home, again, more rituals! I have romanticized my evenings by immediately decompressing with one glass of wine while I talk to my partner, and we tell each other in detail about how our days went. Then, we make dinner, eat, and watch a show, then go to bed by 9:30 pm while listening to a soothing podcast to fall asleep.
Romanticizing your life means injecting more mindfulness, intentionality, and ambiance into it. I’ve illustrated the ways I’ve done that on my average day. Now it’s your turn to determine what works for you! That could mean just being intentional about putting on your favorite lounge clothes to chill on the couch or shaking off a bad mood by being intentional in some way - whether that’s having a cup of your favorite tea, watching a nostalgic show or movie, or washing your face in cold or hot water and just starting over, even in the middle of the day.
We can all stand to have more intentionality in our lives. I believe in you that you can do it if you try. If you need help or want to talk more about how you can implement romance into your life in a meaningful way, don’t hesitate to click the button below to schedule an appointment! I’d love to work with you!
Edit: It’s two days after I initially wrote this blog post, and I felt compelled to update it because it happened again! It’s a Saturday morning, and after my ritualistic morning routine of relaxing over coffee, it was time for me to start my “working Saturday morning,” where every week I spend about five hours on Saturday mornings working on my business, my website and write blog posts or social media posts. For some reason, today I sat down in the living room per usual, created the ambiance I like, but for some reason I just didn’t feel inspired to work or write.
I re-read this post and reflected for a bit. How could I inject just a little more romance into my morning to motivate and inspire me to do the work I love? I decided to be spontaneous! I romanticized my life by choosing to take a shower, intentionally applying my makeup (which I don’t normally wear on weekends), putting on a comfortable but cute outfit that I feel amazing in, and leaving the house! I went to a chill brunch spot where I’m currently sitting alone, intentionally and mindfully sipping an espresso martini and typing away on my laptop.
A change of scenery was exactly what I needed to find the motivation and inspiration to write today! I want to acknowledge that not everyone has the financial means to spend the money to relocate to a coffee shop or restaurant to work; however, if that is an option for you, it may be worth considering if you are feeling a little slump in motivation. Sitting here at a little table by the window with my drink and my laptop in an outfit that makes me feel good makes me feel like a main character in my own personal rom-com movie! I was so inspired by this shift in energy that I had to edit this post and share it with you all.
This post was very personal in nature and less instructive or informational, but I just felt compelled to share a little snapshot of how I have incorporated romanticizing my life into my daily habits and my work as a therapist. My hope is that you find some inspiration in this post so that you, too, can infuse your days and weeks with just a little more romance and find just that much more peace, contentment, motivation, and joy in your life, especially on the days you need it the most.
